I am often curious of the various ways that people perceive one another's personalities. One friend describes me as being funny, while another sees me as being serious. One acquaintance thinks I am an eccentric, while the next sees someone practical and grounded. Certain groups find me to be reserved and aloof, while the next describes me as warm and friendly.
Why the discrepancies and inconsistencies? Are we really mirrors of people's projections? Is our mind state dependent on our relationships and the world at large?
And as with all projections, where is our chance to really change, to embrace impermanence, to sincerely pursue an independent voice and passion that is not reliant on what "they" demand or even remember about us?
Yes, the past wants to dog everyone, even awakened people. Even after we genuinely come to, wake up to Reality and are legitimately transfigured by the Light - even then people from the past want to run behind us like biting jackals to rip the guts out of our awakening. It is as if the threat of their shame wants to shadow us until we fearlessly confront any instinct coming from anyone that would question our hard won wakefulness.
None of us have acted like angels every single day of our lives - maybe that's why we got on the path to begin with. Just because you are fairly awake, you cannot expect people to quickly forget your past.
And you cannot correct their ancient perceptions solely with your words, but by bringing your brilliant presence to their lives so that they can see the Real you, the one who consistently demonstrates you have been lifted above your indiscretions, the one who has changed, achieved tolerance, has atoned and made restitution, has served his or her time, has forgiven others and even asked for forgiveness.
You cannot expect the eager punishers of the world to lift up their arms and freely embrace the Real You. Because the dirt diggers and the ones who are addicted to it are so out of touch with their own inner light, then the Realness you exhibit will be threatening to them in a perplexing way. They won't want to believe you have changed. It may take some time for them to see proof for themselves. Be assured that you are the one who carries the flag of Peace. It is your countenance and surety of the Light that will shield and prove your very presence, regardless of your history before you awakened.
There is a phase of awakening exhibited by the Strength card in the Tarot that speaks of having the courage to tame your prideful, raging inner beasts. In the Rider Waite, a serene woman is depicted closing the roaring mouth of a huge lion. Here, you must understand your intentions, have compassion for your personal imperfections, nourish the self, and aim to soothe your untamed nature.
It is during this phase of growth that you will be reminded of your mistakes and your past unconsciousness. It is not a comfortable stage, especially if you have committed errors that have hurt others or your reputation, but it is a necessary one to master so that you stay aware of your motivations and notice the temptations of your ego.
Sia, in her song "I'm In Here," encapsulates the sentiment of needing others to really recognize her, to see her inability to free herself of the past and have the personal strength to heal. She sings,
I'm in here.
Can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?
I'm in here.
A prisoner of history,
Can anybody help?
Can't you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for
You to come rescue me.
I need you to hold
All of the sadness I cannot live with inside of me.
....I'm crying out,
I'm breaking down,
I am fearing it all,
Stuck inside these walls,
Tell me there is hope for me.
Is anybody out there listening?
Rather than remaining alone and invisible, Sia wonders, will anybody witness my vulnerability and see that my heart is quietly breaking open? Will I ever be free of my imprisonments? Is anyone emotionally equipped to empathize with my suffering and help me see my way out? Unable to face her powerless circumstance alone, she asks, Is anybody willing to listen, to walk with me and help me see my strengths? Ultimately, she hopes that someone, anyone, can help her let go of the prison of her past and its serious effects. She hopes she can conjure the will to break free and expose the real Sia, the one who is recognized and liberated and healed of her addictions.
We, as Seekers of The Light, must be willing to help others see that the past will not have to dog and imprison them forever. Personally, we must let go of any tendency to punish and judge another person by his or her past.
Because the Truth is, we are not our past. The Truth is, each and every one of us can be changed and transfigured and healed of any past mindset - we can be expunged of negative history that wants to keep imprinting our lives and reminding others of the unconscious things we did years ago - and this healing can happen in the blink of an eye. You see, when the light of Truth flashes, it comes quickly, unexpectedly, like a bolt of liquid lightening. Yes, The Sudden Truth does indeed set us free.
Look for Paula Dianne's book, Signs of Infinity on Amazon. www.pauladianneupton.com